Negotiation 101: 5 Skills from a Hostage Negotiator
And 3 Tips for Salary Negotiations & Closing a Deal
Today’s post is brought to you by last minute submissions. Yep, finishing assignments down to the wire doesn’t end when you graduate college. You just get better at it.
This Issue at a Glance:
5 Skills for Negotiation
3 Tips to Negotiate Salary & Close a Deal.
Negotiating in life-threatening situations
Background:
“Negotiation is a psych eval” from Chris Voss, author of Never Split the Difference.
Voss is a world class FBI Hostage Negotiator and an expert negotiator.
Negotiation the art of letting someone else have your way.
It’s not about aggression or forcing someone to do what you want.
It’s about empathy, understanding, and fairness.
Let’s break it down into 5 Skills using the example of Your boss giving you another assignment even though you’re swamped.
Note: None of these tips will work if you cannot calm and control yourself.
Here’s a made-up scenario:
Scene: Your boss comes in with a last-minute assignment even though you’re already swamped.
The bolded words are Skills you must master.
Boss: Hey I need you to get this assignment done soon.
You: How soon do you need it? (Mirroring)
Boss: By the end of the week.
You: end of the week? Uh… Ok. It sounds like you’re in a time crunch. (Mirroring + Labeling)
Boss: Yeah, I am. If you can get it done quickly, that’d be great.
You: Who needs it done? (Gauge Threat Level)
Boss: XYZ client came in last minute & wants it done ASAP.
You: Ok. But do you want me to you give up on these other assignments I have?
Boss: No. But I do need this done too. (Searching for No)
You: How do you want me to do that?
Boss: I don’t know. Just get it done. Figure it out.
You: It sounds like XYZ dumped this on you last minute. It seems like they’re rushing too.
Boss: That’s what I’m thinking too. (That’s right)
You: I know I’m annoying, but I’m just trying to get an idea of how I can get this done and finish my other assignments in time. (Accusation Audit)
Boss: Gotcha. Well, what are your other assignments?
You: (briefly explain assignments). I’m sorry, I trying to be fair to the other clients as well but stop me if I’m not. (The F-Word)
Boss: What if you do {assignment A} first since you’re almost done. Then get started on this?
You: Ok. But {assignment A} takes a few hours to finish and its almost the end of the week. And just by looking at the one you have now, that’ll take at least two days.
(Pause- silence is effective)
You: How am I supposed to finish in time?
Boss: I’ll talk with XYZ and get back to you.
5 Skills for Artful Negotiating:
Skill 1: Mirroring + Labeling
Mirroring:
Repeat the few critical words back to them. It signals “trust me” because mirroring creates familiarity.
What’s familiar is trustworthy.
Example:
Boss: Hey I need you to get this assignment done soon.
You: How soon do you need it? (Mirroring)
Boss: By the end of the week.
Labeling:
Rephrase what someone said & validate their emotion.
Sounds simple but effective. Emotions are the means to closing a deal, not an obstacle.
Example:
Boss: Hey I need you to get this assignment done soon.
You: Soon? How soon do you need it?
Boss: By the end of the week.
You: By the end of the week? Ok. It sounds like you’re in a time crunch. (Labeling + Mirroring)
Skill 2. Gauge Threat Level
Increasing specificity of the threat in any negotiation means you’re getting closer to real consequences at a real specified time.
Ask reporter questions to gauge the level of the threat.
Questions starting with “who”, “what”, “when”, “where”, “why”, “how”.
Start questions with “what”, “how”, sometimes “why”.
Why questions sound accusatory if you’re not careful.
“What” & “How” questions invite the other party to contribute their thoughts.
Example:
You: end of the week? Uh… Ok. It sounds like you’re in a time crunch. (Mirroring + Labeling)
Boss: Yeah, I am. If you can get it done quickly, that’d be great.
You: Who needs it done? (Gauge Threat Level)
Boss: XYZ client came in last minute & wants it done ASAP.
Skill 3: Searching for No
“No” is a negotiator’s best friend. When people say no, they think they’re retaining autonomy in the negotiation.
Why not go for “yes”? How many times have you said yes just so the other person leaves you alone? Not every “yes” means the person agrees with you.
Example:
You: Ok. But do you want me to you give up on these other assignments I have?
Boss: No. But I do need this done too. (Searching for No)
By getting to “no”, they’re turning the gears in their head to come up with a solution to avoid looking bad in front of the client.
Skill 4: That’s Right + Accusation Audit
That’s Right: Any variation of this means the other party feels heard and their emotions are validated. They’re ready to listen and work with you.
Accusation Audit: List every bad thing the other party can say about you. Do this and remove the power from their side and force them to think beyond their initial complaints.
Lay them out early on. Clear the barriers to agreement first.
Example:
You: How do you want me to do that?
Boss: I don’t know. Just get it done. Figure it out.
You: I know I’m annoying, but I’m just trying to get an idea of how I can get this done and finish my other assignments in time. (Accusation Audit)
Boss: Gotcha. Well, what are your other assignments?
Skill 5. The F-Word “Fair”
One of the most powerful words in Negotiation, “Fair”.
3 ways to use it.
1st Use: defensively
Saying “We just want what’s fair.”
Triggers the other side to feel discomfort and defensive.
2nd Use: accuse person of being dense/dishonest.
“We’ve given you a fair offer.”
Best reaction to this: Mirror the “fair” response & pause. Follow that with a label. “It seems like you’re ready to provide the evidence that supports that.”
3rd Use: positive & constructive.
I want you to feel like you are being treated fairly at all times, so please stop me at any time if you feel I’m being unfair, and we’ll address it.
Use this to maintain a good reputation with the other party.
Example:
Boss: Gotcha. Well, what are your other assignments?
You: (briefly explain assignments). I’m sorry, I trying to be fair to the other clients as well but stop me if I’m not. (The F-Word)
Boss: What if you do {assignment A} first since you’re almost done. Then get started on this.
3 Tips for Negotiating for a Higher Salary:
Tip 1: Give a Ballpark
Ballparks give a reference point so to make large numbers seem small. A $10K watch looks less expensive placed beside a $200K watch.
Instead of saying “I’m worth $110,000” say “At top places like X Corp, people in this job get between $130,000 - $170,000.”
When using ballparks, expect the other side to go for the lower number.
Tip 2: Pleasent Persistence on non-salary terms
This creates empathy & build an environment with discussion. It’s why you enjoy people who smile and make jokes in meetings. They create a safe environment.
Perks or other non-monetary stuff can bolster your salary offer.
If a company can’t offer an extra week of vacation, but they enjoy the discussion and want your work, they will increase your salary to compensate.
And the more you talk non-salary terms, the more options you hear.
Tip 3: Define Success
Once you’ve negotiated a salary, define success for your position. Spark their interest in your success and gain an Unofficial Mentor on top if it all.
Ask: what does it take to be successful here.
Define success with them so they’ll have a stake in your success & you’ll be the living embodiment of their success as well.
3 Tips for Negotiating Deals:
Tip 1: Anchor their Emotions- Create a Reference Point
Start with the accusation audit to lay out their fears. This prepares their emotions for a loss.
They would rather avoid a loss than get a huge gain. (Loss aversion bias).
Then you play on their loss aversion by stating your offer.
Loss aversion - The Decision Lab
Tip 2: Establish a Ballpark
If they ask you to name a price, get out of it by naming a high number that someone else might charge.
Instead of saying “I’m worth $110,000” say “At top places like X Corp, people in this job get between $130,000 - $170,000.”
People adjust expectations depending upon their anchor and move towards the lower ballpark number. (In this case $130K)
Tip 3: Non-Monetary Terms
Deal with numbers in relation to non-monetary terms.
If you’re offering a high number, make it seem reasonable by offering things that aren’t important to you but could be important to them.
If you’re closing a marketing deal, a non-monetary term you can offer is putting them on the cover of your marketing magazine or newsletter. That’s free advertising for them but not as important for you.
If they’re offering a low number, do the opposite. Ask for things that matter more to you than them.
If you’re consulting, throw a complimentary follow-up call or extended consultation or discount on their next consult.
Example:
Better Call Saul has a great example of negotiation tactics:
How to Negotiate when your Life Depends on it
The Newsletter on What They Don't Teach You in Enginering School
next-level-engineer.beehiiv.com/p/better-call-saul-and-negotiating
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